


break my fall

by Rehearsal_Dweller



Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: F/M, Post-Starcrushed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 01:07:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10060829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rehearsal_Dweller/pseuds/Rehearsal_Dweller
Summary: If you're gonna bare your soul in front of pretty much everyone you know, you might as well go whole hog.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So a little Star character study to go with Marco from earlier in the week, because apparently I can only write things that make me sad when things happen in fiction I care about.  
> ENJOY, I KNOW I DID.
> 
> (Side note: Holy 100 Fics, Batman! I'm stunned and amazed that I've got a hundred fics on AO3 and that people keep reading these things. Wow.)

Star had never met anyone like Marco Diaz.

He was smart and kind and safe and grounded and he totally rolled with everything she threw at him. He was someone who made people want to do things for him, just because he was always so ready to help his friends.

They fell into a fast, easy friendship. They lived together, went to school together, hung out together, kicked monster butt together.

Star knew Marco better than she knew pretty much anybody else, even though she hadn’t known him very long. That said, you don’t have to be Marco Diaz’s best friend to know that he’d been smitten with Jackie Lynn Thomas since he was a little kid.

(Honestly, Star mused later, it was kind of a miracle that Jackie herself didn’t know until she was told.)

The thing was, Marco was too self-conscious to make a move. But Star knew he was actually awesome and funny and kinda cute, and all he needed was a push in the right direction to make Jackie see that too.

So maybe she engineered a few situations that put Jackie in a position to see Marco at his best (not always entirely successfully). And maybe she felt guilty for putting those situations together when they went south (like, say, the truth or punishment incident, although ultimately that wasn’t so bad).

And then – well, Star did _tell_ Marco to go to the dance with Jackie. It was perfect! He got to go out with the girl of his dreams, and she didn’t have to feel guilty for accidentally double-booking herself. It literally could not have worked out any better for her.

It literally –

Except when Marco came downstairs all dressed up, Star was mesmerized. He looked good - really good. Only he really didn’t look that different from how he usually looked, and maybe he always looked like that but she hadn’t noticed because in his other clothes she’d gotten used to it. And he was looking at Jackie, and she was gorgeous of course, and then he said –

“You look _amazing_.”

And Star’s heart dropped out of her chest, landing somewhere in the molten core of the earth. She’d heard him say that before.

He said it to _her_. Months ago, when she was all dolled up for the Blood Moon Ball. And she hadn’t really cared then, distracted as she was by the intrigue of the dance, but he’d been looking at her like – well, he’d been looking at her like _that._ Entranced, stunned… attracted.

And it was only now that Star realized that she really _wanted_ Marco to look at her like that.

But he was her best friend, and he was so happy, and she couldn’t help but be happy for him, even though it was a little bit tainted by something else. She couldn’t really put her finger on it, but it bothered her all night.

Well – all night until she messed everything up forever. She lost the spellbook, lost Glossaryck, lost… _something_ with Marco. And her confidence, she lost that too.

Marco did his best to keep things normal. It wasn’t super successful, but she admired his persistence.

“Star? Are you in here?”

Star, who was lying facedown on her bed, groaned.

“Can I come in?” Marco asked, standing in the doorway.

“Eh,” Star replied vaguely.

“I’m gonna take that as a yes,” said Marco, walking purposefully through the room to sit down on the bed next to her. “How ya holdin’ up?”

Star pushed herself onto her elbows to look at him. “Well I’m not literally dying, so I suppose that’s an improvement.”

“Heck yeah it is,” Marco said, feigning cheer. “We’ve got some homework to do – how ‘bout you get the calculators while I make some snacks.”

“I guess,” said Star. She didn’t really want to do homework, but a little time with her best friend couldn’t hurt.

They always sat on Marco’s bed to do homework – less distractions – cross-legged, knees-to-knees. That way, Marco figured he could keep her on task because he could always see her homework when he was looking at his own. Today it was math and English, and Star couldn’t get her head around either.

“Star?” Marco said after a while. He was almost done with his math, and she was still staring at the third question. “Do you need help?”

“I – I, uh, I don’t think I can do this right now,” Star said, pulling her hair over her shoulder and fiddling with it. Her eyes were fixed on the bottom of Marco’s notebook page, but her vision was unfocused.

Marco frowned and moved their notebooks to the side, then reached up to push Star’s hair out of her face. “Do you need to, uh, talk about it?”

“No, I –“ Star sighed, biting the inside of her lip. “Can we just, like, watch a movie or something?”

“Yeah, of course,” said Marco, sounding a little concerned. He didn’t push it, though, and even let Star pick a mindless action movie. She fell asleep half an hour into it, with her head on Marco’s chest and his arm around her shoulders.

Eventually, Star was able to reclaim some semblance of normal, although nothing quite felt right.

But despite her distraction, or perhaps because of it, Star couldn’t help but notice that Marco was still a little nervous around Jackie, and she decided she was exactly the right person to help. The Love Sentence concert had seemed perfect – an opportunity to let Jackie get used to their friendship, and for Marco to get a little more comfortable with Jackie with a little safety net.

But Marco of all people felt left out and then –

Well.

Star didn’t really want to think about that. Didn’t want to think about how Marco had looked at her, then kissed another – kissed his girlfriend in front of her. Didn’t want to think about his arms around her. Didn’t want to think about how excited and happy he was when he got home.

Didn’t want to think about how he barely even noticed her when he got home.

Star sighed. There wasn’t any point dwelling on that now. She tapped on Marco’s bedroom door. “Hey, Marco?”

“Come on in,” Marco replied. When she pushed the door open and flopped onto his bed, he noted, “You don’t usually knock.”

“I have to go to this thing on Mewni, and it’s gonna be really super duper awful but my mom said you can come and it would be really cool if you did,” Star babbled.

“Woah-woah-woah,” Marco interrupted. He walked over from his desk to sit next to her. “Slow down.”

“It’s this – this _song day_ thing?” Star said. “It’s, like, this old dumb tradition about, like, introducing me to everyone as the future queen? And there’s gonna be a super dumb song about me and it’s all gonna be so dumb and embarrassing and –“

“Sure, I’m down,” said Marco, shrugging.

“- I’m sure it’s gonna be really awful but I just – wait, did you say yes?” finished Star, sitting up quickly.

“Yeah, of course,” Marco said. “S’gotta be a pretty big deal if you’re this worked up about it. I wouldn’t want to miss a big milestone for you, you’re my best friend.” He grinned, nudging Star’s shoulder with his own. “Plus it seems like you’re gonna need some moral support.”

“Heh heh, yeah,” replied Star. “Thanks.”

And then everything fell apart. Song day was a fiasco from top to bottom, in a way even Star had never managed before and couldn’t have predicted. And on top of all the bad stuff, Ruberiot had actually suggested that she had a _crush_ on Marco, of all the ridiculous things!

That was such a completely preposterous, unbelievable, ridiculous suggestion. A completely preposterous, unbelievable, ridiculous suggestion that royally screwed over her entire friendship, leaving her relationship with her bestest bestie in all the worlds (don’t tell Ponyhead) in awkward, avoidy shambles.

But Star was a pro at avoiding. And Oskar was, uh, pretty cute. And Marco was really happy just talking to Jackie and –

And –

And Star really missed her best friend.

So she lied through her teeth, got a hug, got her heart broken. Just… just a little.

A little more.

Only when she got upstairs she found a weird portal she didn’t make and her mom was yelling at her and Toffee was back and everything was _terrible_ and she had to leave and –

And –

And she has to do this now or she’ll lose her nerve and she’ll never get another chance she’ll probably never see him again _I’m never going to see Marco again_ –

“Marco, we need to talk. Just one last time.”

Her mind is racing, her eyes are watering, she can see Marco’s mouth moving but she can’t really hear him, it’s all a blur, everything’s a blur, and she has to say this, she _has_ to say this, or she might die and never have owned up, and she doesn’t even know what she’s saying exactly except that she’s stalling and she just wants to look at him and she doesn’t want to say goodbye and she doesn’t want to – to –

“I – I – I do have a crush on you.”

And suddenly everything is _painfully_ clear. Everyone in what feels like the entire world is staring at them, and Marco is staring at her and he’s not saying _anything._ It’s been a really long time hasn’t it? It’s been forever and he hasn’t said anything and he’s just looking at her. She thinks someone else is talking, but she can’t really hear them.

“I didn't want to admit it because I know you don't feel the same way, and I thought if I just pretended the feelings weren't there, they'd go away,” Star says, because if you’re going to bare your soul in front of almost everyone you know you might as well go whole hog. “But they haven't. I have to leave Earth, probably forever, and I couldn't go without telling you the truth.”

Marco stammers. He chokes. He doesn’t actually say anything.

Tears are rolling down Star’s face now; she can’t stop them. She doesn’t want to stop them. She runs away, shouting a goodbye after her, back up to her room, to her mother, to Mewni.

She can hear Marco shouting her name, but she doesn’t look back.

She can’t look back.

She can’t come back.


End file.
